Conflicted

I've been going back and forth about something for some time now. 

I spend a lot of time at work on the computer; hence, I read a lot of blogs.  One that I began reading about a  year ago is written by a Mormon mother of four who used to live in Mesa, Arizona and was burned over 80% of her body in a small airplane crash in 2008.  I originally read her story in the Arizona Republic soon after the crash, when both she and her husband were in the Maricopa Burn Center recovering.  The newspaper did an amazing series on her, her blog, and her family.  I found it really inspiring and I needed that at the time (I was studying full-time for the California bar exam and contemplating moving 750 miles away from my family and friends--enough said).

So I've spent a lot of time reading her blog, and her sister's blog, and I like reading them.  They both post often, almost daily, and talk about fairly mundane everyday stuff--but it's entertaining.  You can learn a lot about a person and her family this way.  It's weird to feel like you know someone whom you've never actually met.  I like their senses of style, the way they approach motherhood, and the way they responded to an event that easily could have turned into a major family tragedy.

This is my problem:  both of these women are devout LDS members; both live in Provo, Utah; both seem to subscribe to a fairly conservative agenda.  Neither of them talk about politics much on their blogs, but some issues have come up in a linked forum.  It shouldn't have surprised me in the least when I read a statement to the effect that all gay people are damned unless they repent and do not act on their feelings.  They'll (supposedly) gladly welcome a person who identifies as gay into the church as long as that person agrees to lead a celibate lifestyle.

But it did surprise me.  Reading these comments, I almost felt like a friend had stabbed me in the back.  And then I was asking myself, "How can I like a person who believes this, who puts these ideas out into the world and who is raising children to believe this?"

And then I got angry.  I got angry that I was contributing to page counts and thus advertising dollars for these people who stalwartly oppose who I am.  I got even more angry after reading daily summaries from the Prop 8 trial, which has exposed for the world the extent to which both the LDS and Catholic churches contributed to the Yes on 8 campaign.  I was really angry.  I stayed away from their blogs for awhile and then I found that I missed them.

This is how I've tried to reconcile this for myself.  As much as I'd like to pass judgment on these people, I will not do that based solely on a blog.  I can like some things about a person and dislike other things.  If we met in real life, we could probably agree to disagree.  And the reason I came to this decision is because I would never want anyone to judge me solely on one attribute.  I am a woman, a wife, a lesbian, a lawyer, a sister, a daughter, a Democrat--but as a person my sum is greater than my individual parts.  I believe that most people are more complex than just their political party, sexual orientation, or religion.  [Not all, mind you--I'm still writing off Glenn Beck and Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh and a slew of other crazies who appear to be motivated by hate and hate alone.]  I believe in God--but I have a problem with organized religions that tidily sweep entire groups of people into boxes and then judge them.

I like to think if I met these people in person, we could talk and find some common ground--even if just through cute clothes and sixties design.  They might find that I'm a lot like them, that I want to have a family, that we share a lot of the same ideals--except I am a woman who has a wife.

Or maybe we'd just get in a cat fight.  Who knows.

I'm still conflicted.